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Dirty Little Secrets

Dirty Little Secrets - Feature Film

Romantic Comedy

After the death of an old college mate, a group of friends reunite to carry out the dying man’s final wish.  His wish, though, may in fact be a curse, as he lures them into a week-long canal boating trip in the Welsh mountains to scatter his ashes.  No phones. No computers. Just each other.  But with four guys, four girls and a very small boat this task is easier said than done.

Nonetheless, in between their drinking, fighting, dancing and shagging, they somehow manage to navigate the canals, crawl through the pubs and even find time for a spot of midnight Frisbee in a farmer’s field.   Tears are shed and old business settled as each divulge their dirty little secrets about where they’ve been, where they are, and what they think the future may hold.

What the reviewers had to say:

“Dirty Little Secrets” is a charming comedy with unique characters and should find success with audiences. Though there are multiple characters in this group of friends they are easy to distinguish with very unique personalities and backstories. Additionally, the characters represent multiple paths in life and their discussions lead to some interesting reflections on the experiences of their youth. The dialogue is both comical and genuine throughout the script. The structure is simple but provides dynamic plot points as the group falls back into their old friendship and shares their various secrets.
Blacklist
The dialog in this script is well written. It feels natural, funny and does a good job conveying character. It’s snappy and pushes the pace throughout and does a solid job of balancing an ensemble of eight characters and making them each feel grounded and specific. The characters are also fun to spend time with. Their antics and banter charming, and their ruminations about life and death feel genuine.
Blacklist

Jim was the outgoing inspirational leader of the group when they were all in college.  A talented musician he used to play in a band with Quinn and Cooper. Jim was notorious for always being up for adventure.  He always had a game plan. Some concert to see. Some wild bar to explore. Some far off trip to organize. Able to pick any career, he chose to become a grade school teacher where he was loved and admired by his colleagues and students for his never ending sense of wonder and lust for life. Tragically he died of stomach cancer at 32.  His final wish was that everyone would get back together and go on the canal boat trip in his native Wales to scatter his ashes.
Jim’s widow, also Welsh.  Teacher/Trainer.  Jim’s sudden death has completely turned her happy life upside down.  Through not perfect, she had Jim.  During the film, though, we discover that she and Jim were trying for kids for the last three years but the doctors concluded she was infertile. She fears for her future as an infertile, over-30 widow. She learns the best family she will ever have are the friends on this trip.
Doctor (Radiology), tall, slim, beautiful yet still a Miss Lonely Hearts. She has tried speed dating, online dating, blind dating, joined: a cooking school, yoga studio, rowing club, dance classes…you name it.  Nothing seems to work. She wants to get married and have a family but at 32 the clock is ticking and the good men are running.  Jokes that when she finds one she’ll have to go straight from the altar to the delivery room. Ends up with the unlikeliest of blokes: Dai the balding, tubby Welshman.
Mother of three – social worker – She used to be with the musician, Quinn, at university, but he went off to states to pursue his music career and she stayed behind. She was afraid to take the chance. Now saddled with a marriage, mortgage and three kids, she regrets not having a more exciting youth.  Despite loving her husband and children, she is desperate for a taste of the passion she used to have with Quinn.  She now lives in Nottingham and rarely sees anyone from the old days.
Lawyer / Property Agent / Developer – successful and self made – conservative. She’s a bitch and she knows it. But in her line of work it’s an asset and besides it helps her get her way, which she is quite fond of.  She was Helen’s old university roommate but has drifted away from the rest due to her personality and demanding job.  She hates kids and only will date men taller, wealthier and more powerful that she is. Which unfortunately narrows her chances of ever finding a good mate or even friends for that matter.
An eccentric Welshman who is at heart an optimist but also pragmatic enough to be worried about outsourcing and his professional future. Outdoorsman. Hard worker. Recently divorced and to add insult to injury is starting to lose his hair and gain weight. He’s addicted to his technology and quite disturbed when he finds out there will be no mobiles allowed on the trip. He is a horny, funny bastard who – aside for his right hand – hasn’t been laid in months. Has his eye on sexy Dr. Lonely Hearts (Lara). After dogged pursuit he gets her in the end.
Handsome. Athletic. Posh. Raised in a wealthy, well-connected family. Always had the best of the best. Public school, Oxford. Women find him highly attractive, which he uses to his advantage to hide the fact that he is gay.  Even though he makes a fortune, he is disturbed by the shallowness of life in the City.  He questions what technology is doing to modern society – bringing us closer in physical terms at the expense of pushing us further apart emotionally – and wonders if Jim’s plan to get them on the canal was to force them to understand and act on this.  By the end of the movie, he finally comes clean to Helen about being gay and his desire to quit his high paying job and drive around the world with his boyfriend.
A once popular pop musician who is now crashing back to the real world. His best years are well behind him. He gets the occasional residual check, but it’s not enough to live on so he teaches piano to school-kids to make ends meet.  He joined a well-known band as a keyboard player when he was at Uni. But he was never in on the big bucks as he did not own any publishing rights. But damn, it was one hell of a good ride for about 5 years. The others think he’s still a star, but he knows different. He often wonders what it would be like if he had finished his economics degree and taken a job in the city like William.  When he sees Emma and her happy stable family he wishes he had never let her go.  By the end of the film he braces himself to go back to LA and give it one more shot.
Yank / Hippy / Drug dealer / Do nothing / Brilliant – Claims he’s content with his vagabond lifestyle, but he deep down he is concerned about how he’ll survive as he gets older. More and more of his friends are leaving the alternative lifestyle behind and he fears that soon he maybe the only one (or oldest one) left. A dark part of him wishes the world would just hurry up and go to shit before he has to face those consequences. A Doomsday Hippy who miraculously seduces the ice queen Fran. Could be that rumour of his huge schlong.  Legend has it, Cooper met Jim at Glastonbury and came back to London with him. He stayed on Jim’s couch for the next 8 months and was never seen again until this trip.

After the death of an old college mate, JIM, a group of friends reunite to carry out the dying man’s final wish.  His wish, though, may in fact be a curse, as he lures them into a week-long canal boating trip in the Welsh mountains to scatter his ashes.  No phones. No computers. Just each other.  But with four guys, four girls and a very small boat this task is easier said than done.

The old friends all hail from various backgrounds and experiences.  From fading Rock Star to stay at home Mother.  From a desperate Dr. Lonely Hearts to a ruthless Corporate Solicitor.  And if that isn’t enough there’s in an überman Stock Broker, a horny Computer Programmer and even an American Hippie to boot.  Rounding out the crew is Jim’s grieving widow, Helen, who despite the circumstances somehow manages to be the only one keeping it together.

Nonetheless, in between their drinking, fighting, dancing and shagging, the old gang somehow manage to navigate the canals, crawl through the pubs and even find time for a spot of midnight Frisbee in a farmer’s field.   Tears are shed and old business settled as each divulge their dirty little secrets about where they’ve been, where they are, and what they think the future may hold.

When the time finally comes to scatter Jim’s aches, Helen refuses to let go, and that is when the final secret is revealed.

Framed around the death of a friend, the tone of DLS is bitter sweet. But the filmmakers resolutely intend to make this a feel-good flick that will reward the audience for coming along on Jim’s final trip.  As a reunion film there’ll be plenty of dancing, music and flirting, as well as insights and emotions. With this in mind, the ensemble script is designed to showcase the talents of a wide ranging cast, harnessing their wit, intensity, comedic timing and sex appeal.

As for the pace, the nature of a canal trip is one of staid peace. Fortunately with eight old friends  on a tiny boat loaded with booze, tears and sexual tension, our pace will be much more up-tempo. The director intends to augment the juxtaposition of emotions (comedy v drama) by keeping the narrative full-speed ahead. Each scene starts late and ends early, leaving cliff-hangers that pull the audience into the next scene begging for answers.  The only time the tempo slows is to make the characters anxious for excitement and thus shatter the stereotype of a boring canal trip.

Frivolity aside, the characters reflections about the world they’ve inherited, now that their carefree days of youth are behind them, should encourage the audience to continue the conversation long after the film is over.

In terms of design, DLS is set on the UK’s most beautiful waterway, the Brecon Canal, which winds along the foot of the Welsh Mountains.  With no shortage of stunning backdrops, we intend to contrast the beauty of the flat, leafy canal with the panoramic views of the Beacons above and the valleys below.  As for the boats, we have reached an agreement with Beacon Park Boats outside of the historic market town, Abergavenny, to use their finest highest-spec vessels and historic boat-yard.

This fun emotionally packed script is designed to showcase the talents of a wide ranging cast, harnessing their wit, intensity, comedic timing and sex appeal.

UK TV actors will be heavily represented. The role of the mystical Yank Cooper will also allow for the casting of a well known American Male to generate more visibility in the US market. The roll of the Rock Star, QUINN, could also be put out to a popular musician that is interested in crossing over. Or an actor who has a musical background.

DLS is designed to deliver maximum emotion and entertainment for the minimum of expense.  The main variable are the fees for the talent who will be required for 6 weeks (5shooting / 1 rehearsal). All will be paid on a most favoured basis benchmarked to the key players.

DLS aims to build upon the wide fanbase of the ensemble cast members to leverage awareness in both social and traditional media. In addition the quality of the production and universal appeal of the storyline should offer the prospects of a theatrical run to raise the film’s profile. TV, VOD and DVD sell through will be the main avenue to recoupment.

Set one of the UK’s most beautiful waterways, the Brecon Canal, which winds along the foot of the Welsh Mountains, DLS will have no shortage of stunning backdrops for our team to exploit.  We intend to incorporate the beauty of this unique contrast between the flat, leafy canal with the panoramic views of the mountains above and the valleys below.

As for the boats themselves, the producers have reached an agreement with Beacon Park Boats outside of Abergavenny to use their finest high spec vessels.  These unique boats are wider than most allowing more room for production personnel and equipment.  The boats are outfitted with polished brass and custom hardwoods which will add production value.

In addition Beacon Park have graciously offered the use of their picturesque boat yard and a historic cottage on the grounds for a production base.

Profile

Dirty Little Secrets

Romantic Comedy

4 guys. 4 girls. 1 boat.

What could go wrong?

PRODUCTION TEAM

Feature Films: RSVP, Trash, The Reeds, Music Videos Dizze Rascal Dance Wiv Me, Animal
Feature Films: Popcorn, Rolling with the Nines, Picture Perfect, Frozen
Cinematographer: Strawberry Fields, My Last Five Girlfriends, An Idiot Abroad, Jaime Oliver, Derren Brown

Social

BOAT YARD

BEACON PARK BOATS

LLANFOIST

ABERGAVENNY

VESSEL

THE CONDOR

LLANFOIST

ABERGAVENNY

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